You and Your New Baby

I had a great pregnancy, I had a good relationship with my care provider, I read all the books and watched the videos (and my partner did as well). I had a birth plan and had a vision of how it would all go.

Then my water broke while I was in the shower and dark liquid came out. My midwife told me it was meconium and sent me to the hospital. Everything is a bit of a blur after that. I ended up getting transferred to a different hospital and had lots of care providers. Everyone was very kind and spent time to explain things to me but I couldn’t help but feel that I was in a dream – it was all surreal. In the end I was induced because my contractions never started. My baby’s heart rate dropped and I had an emergency c-section. Five days later I went home, with my baby and realized I had never given the doctors the plan I had in my bag. Everything seemed to move quickly even though there was a lot of waiting.

I have talked to my midwife and it was very helpful to get her perspective on events. I felt better after I had talked about my experience with someone knowledgeable. Ultimately I am so in love with my baby but I can’t help feeling like a bit of a failure and feeling disappointed that I did not get to experience the plans I had for birth. My family doctor told me I was grieving not having the “delivery of my dreams” and validated that it was okay to feel sad and upset about that. She suggested I see a counsellor to talk about my grief. I guess this sadness can lead to postpartum depression and anxiety so she wants me to see her again in a few weeks and gave me some tips on preventing this.

From a fellow mom

I went into preterm labour with my first child which was stressful but then came another challenge. My daughter spend 5 weeks in then NICU. It was so hard being surrounded by these small sick babies. The nurses were mostly kind, sometimes a few of them made me feel that I was in the way but most were okay. It was really hard to go home at night and leave my baby, but it did get easier as I got to know the nursing staff better. I also realized how important it was for me to get a good night sleep and how much better prepared I was to deal with things the next day. I found my partner and I got pretty irritated with each other on the days we did not sleep well. At first we took turns being with our daughter but one of the nurses suggested we come and go together and this was a good change as it meant we both slept better and had time to talk as we drove to and from the hospital. My partner could not come daily as he had to work and I know he felt really guilty about this but it was good that we talked about it and I sent him updates during the day. It was also really good to talk to the counsellor and the social worker at the hospital to get some support. I realized it was better for me to get in the habit of speaking up when I felt uncertain or afraid.

Bringing my daughter home was so nerve-wracking. In the hospital I had nurses to help with everything and they kept her monitored. I got very anxious at home (I think we visited our doctor every 3 days at first!). Every noise or roll woke me up and I was so worried she would die in her sleep that I woke up every few hours to check on her. I was also obsessed with how much weight she gained because I was nursing and topping up with formula and then pumping. I became exhausted. The less I slept the more worried and the more I worried the harder it got to sleep. Eventually I needed help. I saw my family doctor who diagnosed me with postpartum anxiety. We made a plan to get better which mostly required me to ask more people to help me. My mom started coming over every afternoon so I could try to nap (at first I just laid in bed stressing), and my partner took over all responsibility of meal planning (we ate a lot of take out and noodles). I realized I had really isolated myself and that my partner was more capable than I gave him credit for.

From a fellow mom

When our eldest child was born, my husband and I felt that life could not get any better. This euphoria lasted a number of days but after the initial excitement, sleep deprivation, and numerous visitors, the demands on our personal time became a reality. I knew the arrival of the baby would change our lives, but I was unprepared for what this would look like.  I did not realize how all-consuming this tiny human being would be. How even getting a cup of coffee or a shower would be such a monumental task. Even though my husband was supportive, we had bills that had to be paid and work kept him out of the house for many hours most days.

Not surprising, relationship expert John Gottman says that ‘about two-thirds of couples have serious problems in the first three years of the baby’s life, where their happiness with one another went down and their hostility increased.” Gottman goes on to explain that fathers are pivotal in their role, not only with the baby, but with the mother, who is able to be a better parent if he’s involved with her. As mothers, we may feel that we know the “right way” of doing everything for our baby. After all, we’re generally the ones spending most of our time with them. But it’s ok to pass on some of those tasks to give yourself a break and it’s also ok if your spouse does things differently than you!

If you are one of the couples experiencing marital tensions after bringing baby home, know that you are not alone and that help is available. You wouldn’t be the first parents to ask for help! Make sure to talk to your spouse about how you’re feeling and take the time to connect for a few minutes every day and with the occasional “date night” – even if that means a picnic on the living room floor when baby has gone to sleep (just make sure you ask for a foot rub while you’re at it!).

From a fellow mom

Breast Feeding, A New Mom’s Story.

When my son was born, he had difficulty latching to my breast. I was lucky to have the guidance of my midwives who recommended that I see a lactation consultant right away. Even with this help, my baby’s latching issue continued for a few weeks until he was diagnosed with a tongue tie and I was diagnosed with inverted nipples.

After researching about tongue tie releases and discussing with my midwives and doctor, my husband and I decided to go ahead with the procedure. It was a really hard decision, but I felt strongly about pursuing breastfeeding. After the procedure, my son showed some improvement with his latch over the following week, but he still wasn’t getting enough solely from breastfeeding. He was losing weight, so we continued to supplement with formula and pumped breast milk as we had been doing from the beginning. I was exhausted from the continuous cycle of nursing, followed by a bottle to top him up, pumping to help increase my milk supply and have milk for his bottles, and washing/sterilizing all the bottles and pumping accessories. I was also extremely frustrated and felt inadequate as a woman, often times feeling that he preferred the bottle to my breast… but I persisted.

His latch began to improve over the weeks (practice makes perfect!) and I started taking herbal supplements and prescription medication to help increase my milk supply. Finally, by 10 weeks old, he was exclusively breastfeeding. I know that I could have easily switched him over to formula during this challenging time, but it was important to me to give breastfeeding a true try. I am proud of what he and I accomplished together.

From a fellow mom